A recent disagreement I had was with a very close family member. I was trying to explain a situation I experienced with someone we both know and their reaction was quite condescending. The person did not listen to me or understand where I was coming from but was very quick to issue out advice. From the person's words, it appeared like they were never going to see my side of the story.
A strategy that would help me is to not take the conflict personally. Dwelling on the conflict could lead to one becoming aggressive due to built up negative feelings. Another strategy would be to forgive, letting go and seeing past the conflict. This is different from avoidance but rather is a way of showing compassion towards the other person which would be better for my health and mental well being (O'Hair et al. 2018).
The principles of NVC that I would employ is that of striving to understand and not be understood. When we show that we want to listen to other people's needs, they are more likely to listen to ours. Another principle is to pay attention to what the issue is and not what our different stance is on the disagreement (Billikopf, 2009).
Reference
Billikopf, G. (2009). Conflict management skills. Retrieved from http://cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7labor/13.htm
O'Hair, D., Wiemann,
M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2018). Real communication: An introduction
(4th. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
.
Hi Adiele,
ReplyDeleteYour experience is all to familiar to me also. I love your approach of not taking it personally and forgiving when a resolution can't be formed. I am one who likes to have a beginning and end to something so leaving things unresolved that are out of my control still do bother me. However, I recently went to a training on mindfulness and that has helped me manage my feeling and ground myself so i'm no longer stressing over something I can't fix or change.
Hi Adiele,
ReplyDelete"...striving to understand and not to be understood." Wow! This really struck me as a brilliant way to approach a conflict. Too often we try to resolve conflict like attorneys ready to present our case and evidence. As you mentioned, a great approach is to show compassion to the other person. I am working on becoming a better communicator and I am beginning to understand that conflict resolution requires a lot of personal growth and understanding. Thank you so much for sharing.
Best,
Beatriz
Family is the hardest thing to have a conflict with. I love how you said to not take it personally. Especially when dealing with family that you love, you have to do that sometimes. I know I have done it many, many times over the years. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDelete